Murder Mystery Touring

I play a comedic character in a murder mystery show. It’s a blast having regulary shows to work on my acting, timing and fine tune my performances. Our company does corporate shows, so we do both in town and out of town shows – much like a touring company.

One of the challenges doing an out of town show is the coordination and availability. Seven people of our cast has to be free that night, and they all need to arrange a drive up north.

This week’s venture takes us to Port Severn, Ontario. It’s about two hours north of Toronto, more rooted in the snow belt than Toronto is. The show is on February 1st, which will be a snowy cold day to go to a “cottage resort.” But it’s a getaway. A little escape holiday. We get to stay over because it’s so far out of town.

I love doing live comedy shows – it’s a gas working with the audience, playing a character and getting great reactions. I’m looking forward to the gig.

Actor’s heroin

I get the great honour and opportunity of performing in front of an audience on a regular basis. With my work, I do murder mystery shows, create characters, sketch comedy, improv comedy and stand up.

Because I mostly do live comedy, there’s powerful feedback – the audience laughs or applauds. When a show goes really well, when the entire cast is “on” and really smoking or I alone am really kickin’ it, there’s not a better feeling in the world. After the show, people will come up to the cast or to me and say, “that was fantastic” or “we had a great time” or “you are fantastic”. I love that so much.
But I also crave it. Need it like a drug. Gimme more. Pink Floyd sang, “Shall we set out across this sea of faces, in search of more and more applause.” And I’d scream, yes, lets do that. More laughter and more applause.
If I follow that desire, it will lead to bad performances because I’m chasing an outcome, not finding the joy in my performance. Or the truth in it. It’s so easy to chase an outcome and be left wanting. The outcome is a result of focusing on doing my best, enjoying myself and giving my all. So easy to get clouded, and forget that. To get a bit obsessed with the laughter or doing well.

The applause is fantastic – and a highly addictive substance that can cloud my judgement. As long as I’m aware…I think I can prevent a serious addiction. Use the applause and laughter as a truth meter. If I’m truthful in my writing and performing, then people get it and like it.  Applause is just a measure of my willingness to deliver the truth in focused and crafted manner.

Stealing from boyfriends

I have taken things from boyfriends. It started when I decided things were never going to work out for me in relationships. So many failed romances, hurt feelings and thwarted expectations. If that was to be the outcome, I should get something in return.

With the exception of a DVD player, which I will give back if he asks me for it, the things I have taken aren’t material objects. I’m not after money, prizes or trophy items. Perhaps “stealing” is too harsh. Maybe it’s more like acquiring. Learning from them.

Here is the starting list. I’ll be updating this regularly – so if you are an ex and it feels chintzy, keep checking or send me a comment!

Paul – how to walk up to complete strangers, strike up a conversation and make them at ease. How to let myself love someone. How afraid I was to speak my mind. How to share feeling, ideas and things – but this was just the beginning.

Ken – living a bigger life. When you came to the Twilight Zone in suit with slicked back hair and no apologies that you weren’t dressed like everyone else anymore. This surprised those of us in punked out, hippy-ed or generally rebellious outfits.

Chris – your sense of adventure, caring for your work and other people. Thanks for teaching me that I had a lot to give – I never knew. And the X-Files and mango ice cream and snowboarding.

Tim – don’t put salt in an expensive pot when boiling pasta. Pots and pans can be expensive and I don’t take care of them well. Who knew?! I learned to do things well, take care of things and enjoy a good beer from a fine microbrewery.

Simon – determination and daring. Althought I do think this one will work out, I am learning to communicate more clearly, that structure is good and sometimes love does work out.

And the big lesson for me is – keep learning and going for things I’m afraid of – or I get bitter, stagnant and angry. Keep the dream alive.

Rehearsal Runs

Last night, or I should say this morning, I found myself driving in my car. On a work night. In my pajamas.
It started on the way to a rehearsal at Eugene’s place. We’re in a comedy troupe the Loopholes and have a show coming up. I called him from my car to say I was running a late (at a stoplight, because I can’t drive and talk on the phone safely).

When I got to his place, I didn’t have my phone. Not too surprising – I sometimes leave it in the car by mistake. I’ll check when I leave. It was a late rehearsal, we got through a lot and I was looking forward to sleeping.

I drove home. As my head hit the pillow, I was startled by a thought – my phone! I got up and looked through my purse, apartment and that ever-hungry coat lining that has stolen many things. Not here. Should I put on my coat and go out to the car? Sometimes people break into cars in my parking lot if they see something worth taking. It’s a $250 window repair that has happened to me three times already. Ok, fine, I’m getting up. In my long winter coat and flannel pajamas, I grab my car keys and a flashlight. Outside in the lot, which is a 5 minute walk from my place, I check through the car and don’t find it. Damn. Lost?

Now I’m outside. In the cold night air in flannel. Should I drive over to check near Eugene’s where I parked? What’s a 10 minute drive now that I’m up out of bed?

It’s quiet at night. A few cars driving around, and the lights are with me. I find the spot where I parked. And there, on the ground in a pile of city debris is my phone. Without the battery cover. It looks like I might have driven over it when I left rehearsal. I am relieved and amused because it’s working just fine. Good. I’m ready again if my agent calls.
When I started telling the story, my friends keep telling me to get a new phone. But I won’t. I just duck taped a makeshift cover over the battery. Because any phone than can be driven over and survive is the phone for me.

Blog tag – I take that challenge

When Collin of Radical Trust tagged me, I thought about what he said about sharing things. Why do I blog – fun, openness and living the “online” life, meaning I’m willing to be a lot more open to other people by posting my ideas and thoughts online. Sure, a stalker could figure out who I am and track me down…but…

It’s more likely that people will get to know me a bit more, and some people might even relate to my experiences an say, “Whew, I thought it was just me”.

Which makes the world seem a bit friendlier. Because I don’t know about you, but I’m a bit tired of the “us and them.” As in, “those guys are jerks, it’s their faults, if it weren’t for…” The world doesn’t need more conflict coming from me – I want to understand other people. How they see the world. Starting by saying how I see the world.

5 things few people know about me:

1. I used to be a punk rocker as a teenager, the angry rebel, the loner. Even through those days, I always kept a journal. I’d be writing furiously at Sneeky Dee’s, waiting for friends to show up. I wrote in coffee shops, bus stations, subway trains, streetcars, doctor’s offices, hotel bathrooms (they had darn comfy couches). Journal after journal. I still have them all but I haven’t read very many yet – just peeked at a few pages a few times.

2. I cry really easily. Mostly, I hide it. If I’m at a party and hear a sad song, I’ll hide in the bathroom until the tears are dry. Or I’ll leave if I’m in a backyard and can’t stop the tears. Just walk out and not say goodbye, which is unlike me most times. As a kid, I was the “crybaby,” which was a badge of shame.

3. Aside from riding my bicycle everywhere, which I am not doing now due to inclement weather, I am rather lazy. I think and plan to exercise way more than I actually do. I even try to talk other people into coming with me, so as to stall some more.

4. I’m a romantic. A real, sappy, poem-slinging, flower-cravin’ romantic.

5. I have two implant teeth that have titanium posts, and I carry xrays of them in my wallet.

That’s five.

The wrong lap

As one of the things I do for a living, I play a slightly ditzy, blonde bombshell, Sandy Beach, in a murder mystery show in Toronto, Canada. We often do shows for corporate groups, and as I mingle before the murder, I’m trying to size up the guys in the crowd. Pick the right guy. The open-minded and friendly guy. The office favourite – that’s who I’m looking for – someone that everyone knows. Because I need to find the right lap.

With a corporate group, especially events where people bring guests, it’s sometimes a challenge to figure out who works for the company. Who’s a guest? What do they do? They have all just arrived and are sometimes reluctant to mingle with one another, much less this pink-sparkly-dressed-bunny-ear-wearing actress.

It’s a comedy/mystery and one of the bits I do is sitting on a man’s lap after I mistakenly think my boyfriend in the show is talking about me.

If I pick the wrong lap – perhaps a guy who no one knows, is new at the company, or is someone’s husband – it’s just awkward. He looks at me. I look at him briefly, then continue to watch the show from his lap until my cue to get up. And I feel bad for creating an awkward situation. Or his wife glares at me and doesn’t appreciate my current sitting position. I avoid her for the rest of the show, looking past her with fake confidence.
But the right lap – well, that’s a different story. If I sit on the president’s lap, or the shyest guy in the company and everyone knows he’s shy…that’s the lap that will garner a big laugh from the group. My sitting will have people in stitches. I’m satisfied that I’ve made them all laugh. I wait until my cue with him enjoying me sitting there and me enjoying being there. Plus, we’re pals for the rest of the night.

Leaving the rubble behind

I was thinking about New Year’s Eve and my resolution to not rush and take pride in what I do. Nice idea, I like it. I’m always fascinated by the difference between an idea and the execution of that idea. The idea of not rushing and taking pride in my work is now faced with a thousand unfinished projects, things not put away, an in-box at work that is choking and piles of papers that I’m not sure I need or not until I spend a few hours going through them. Sheesh!

I leave rubble lying around. If I was a sculptor was working on a piece, I’d be leaving all the chunks of marble lying around the sculpture and on the floor. It makes for a messy enviroment, making it hard to work and harder to see the finished work. Maybe that’s my plan.
I think I’m making my successes hard to see by keeping the rubble – not putting phone numbers into my phone book but keeping scraps of paper. Not finishing projects because then I’d need to show them to people and risk them hating them. Not performing as much as I could for fear I have no talent. Instead of keeping the rubble, I could paying attention to at what I’ve got. Not what made it. There’s a thought. Let me start with this phone number…where’s my phone book?

All aboard

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New Year’s Resolution – 2007

A few years ago, I banished making a laundry list of “good idea” resolutions – eat better, exercise more, be more successful at my job, get out of debt, etc. Mostly, it just became a list of things I didn’t do, and now I feel bad about it. And I’m annoyed that I didn’t do what I was planning, and I gave up.
I still like the idea of making a resolution – so now I pick one thing that is more open-ended. So instead of “getting into shape”, I want something bigger that can be solved in more than one way. Like “finishing things that I’ve started that I want to finish”. So losing weight could fall into that category. And fixing my bike light. Calling an old friend that I’ve lost touch with and want to see again. Or finish the many scripts that I’ve half written and always meant to finish. It could be any of them. Any one would fulfill the resolution and keep me on it. There is no failure/success scenario – just a choice of finishing something.
It was also important to me to add “that I want to finish” so it doesn’t become another list of what I “should” do. A seminar leader I worked with used to say “don’t should on yourself”. Should is the basis of guilt, and guilt is the result of inaction for me. If I’m not working on something, I’m feeling bad about it. Like it’s the same to feel bad or to work. Guilt is another great distraction, procrastination by feelings.
2007’s resolution: not to rush. That’s it. Take care, do things well and don’t rush.

As a performer and writer, I’m always afraid that my work isn’t good, that people will hate it, that they secretly say “boy, she should keep her day job” behind my back. And smile and say it’s good to my face. So I try to do a bunch of projects at the same time, try to speed up to stay ahead of the criticism and not write and perform from the heart, because that’s risky. For me, rushing is an addiction. Overbooking is a great escape. I get to say “well, I would have done a better job, if…” and I fill in the blank with whatever is going on at the time – someone’s birthday, a wedding, a family gathering, work projects, paying debts, stress.
2007 is the year of pride. And I write this publicly so please remind me when I forget.