Diana Galligan

In less than 24 hours, I will be a pet owner for the first time in my adult life. My family did have a cat that I asked to get. While it was “my” cat, my mother fed it and took care of it. I’ve only every taken care of plants. Many of them died.

Now I face the responsibility of owning a dog with my boyfriend. A little puppy, no less. An adorable little puppy that we are going to call Maggie. She’s in Ottawa right now and we’re going to drive up to get her and visit friends.
It’s terrifying. I feel like a parent about to have a baby -  I’m not sure I can live up to it. What if I forget to feed the dog, or leave her in a hot car…
I’m excited. I’m scared. Maggie will probably melt my heart when she looks at me. That will be after she chews up all my possessions.

Bring on the new world. The new life. I step fearfully into the future.

I’m apartment hunting -  an unusual set of relationships.
I call you to come by and check out your place. You let me me in. We wander around the apartment, examining the objects in the lives of the people who currently live here. Sometimes we make small talk. I decide if this is what I want or not. Sometimes I even tell you right away. Or, I say thanks, I’ll call you.

Sometimes I don’t call. I meant to but I got so caught up in all the new people I had one hour stands that I forgot about you. Or you were farther away than I wanted to be. Sometimes there just wasn’t the free flowing air that I needed.
Then again, sometimes I do call but you’ve found someone else. They came in and knew right away that you were the one. You had a need to fill and you filled it.

Once in a while, we both click. I like you and the place. You like me. My cheque clears.
Short lived encounters…in anticipation of new beginnings.

…should be a four-letter word.

…is best done with boxes from the liquor store.

…is a great workout.

…is a gauge of where you are at in life.

…is a new beginning.

For the last bunch of years, a key element to my identity has been the neighbourhood I chose to live in. Hip, downtown, cool. Right in the heart of everything. Literally. Busy, noisy, restaurants open until 5 am, streetcars zipping 24 hours a day. Everyone knows the corner.

My boyfriend and I are now moving in together and decided to live in a neighbourhood that neither of us have lived in. Which eliminated most of downtown. That and we want to save money - which means as creative people, we’re kinda edged out of downtown for a while.
So we’re moving to Toronto’s east end - across the “psychological barrier of downtown” as my friend Andy puts it. The Bloor Viaduct in Toronto seems to be the outskirts of “downtown” proper that always separated the downtown cool from the east end cool.

This choice seemed monumental - like when I was a teenager trying to decide whether to be a hippie or a punk. Talking to both groups and trying to figure out which was cooler. A ridiculous quest really - since cool is relative. But, it was a choice to make. A direction to go. A fork in the road of life. I chose punk, by the way, which lead me downtown in the first place. To the cool clubs, bands and underground hangouts. Passing by and through a lot of different people.

And now I’m moving out of the last hip place into a new place. Sure, it’s still in Toronto. In a cool neighbourhood. It’s just that it’s a smidge off what I consider cool.

Chrysallis.

Moving is a strange, painful, happy, strange process.

From one location, from friends, neighbourhoods, rituals to another. Favourite haunts, the best places to buy falafel, chinese food, vietnamese sandwiches, health food, cheese, coffee. From the sound of garbage trucks at 12:02 pm to what? Maybe it’s because I haven’t found a place yet. Or I can’t figure out where I was supposed to be at this point in my life.

I have a nagging feeling that while things are supposed to get better with a move, they could get worse. Maybe there will be a little dog that barks all day. Or a drunken neighbour that spits on me when he talks and smokes cigarettes.
Or no view. At all. Right now, I have the best view of the city from my window. I love it. I sit on the couch and watch it for hours.

What if all I see is brick, a garbage can or people’s feet like on Laverne and Shirley. They had it okay. They had each other.

Right now, the future is uncertain.

It’s strange how some things in life are a badge of honour that represent a victory at that time, that later are the bar or base level.

I’m moving. That in itself is a victory. I have lived in my apartment for many years. It’s cheap and in a great neighbourhood. That’s been my badge of honour. Mostly the cheap part. Cool, hip, in-the-know.
Ok, it has inconsistent heat in the winter. And mice in the walls. Did I mention the pigeons in the ceiling - very “The Crow”. I can sit on the couch and watch the world go by. Literally. I look out over Spadina Ave. - a busy street for shopping and restaurants, and late night, post party Chinese food.

Maybe it’s time for a new badge of honour. The ride of cool is finished. Do I really need to get on again?

My Second City class just did a Conservatory 3 show. It’s a show comprised of Second City sketches selected by the teacher. There were a lot of rehearsals, working on scenes until they worked, pushing up against things that didn’t. I loved every minute of it.

When I’m in rehearsal, I’m at peace because there’s no place that I’d rather be.

And watching my troupe - the Chemists - at the start of a scene and see it grow into something magically funny. We had the fortune of having a great teacher/director - Sandy Jobin-Beavens.

I got to do a monologue where I was a waitress with a southern accent. The accent was the easiest part - finding the timing, playing with the words…and it’s just a memory. A beautiful moment in time.

This year feels like a year of change. It’s only a month into 2007, and I’ve already felt sweeping changes.

Through some administrative changes in the touring company I’m working with, I’ll be doing performing only. Someone else is taking over the added casting and booking duties. Which worked out well because I was getting overwhelmed and distracted from my performing career.
I have learned a lot about casting - how it’s done, why so many people get auditioned; feeling the satisfaction of selecting the perfect actor and the disappointment when the director didn’t like who I picked; the frustration of recasting when actors get booked on other gigs or they cancel the lower-paid gig they booked with me. I understood it from the actor’s point of view, but not from casting.

I want to retract all the complaints I’ve ever muttered or thought. I was dead wrong and wallowing in my insecurities. Seeing the other side of auditions and casting has made me a better actor. It’s just business - I’ve never appreciated that fully before now. People are rooting for me. I was 100% behind the actors I picked.
The cycle continues…

.
When I want an particular outcome - like someone to work on a film or script, someone to perform with - I sometimes rush to decide who to book or work with. Get someone to say yes - that’s my goal. I was not taking the time to do things right.

Relationships are built. Developed. Decided on over time. Trust is built up. Over and over again. Reviewed, changing, starting, finishing.

Time to slow the machine down. Beef up the finesse. It’s time to reserve my judgement. See how things pan out and let the world unfold before me, instead of forcing it. Allow the world to be just as it is.

The rush to decide is being driven by two factors that I said I didn’t want: my fear that no one likes me/wants to work with me, and trying to “get ahead.” These things sneak up on my consciousness and take over, without contributing anything to me or my learning. Next thing I know, I’m scanning the web for the next “opportunity” without really exploring what a good fit for work is, and who is doing what projects.

It’s time to do things I take pride in. Indecision wastes time, but deciding to reserve judgement may be the key to peace. And quality work all of the time. On purpose. Breathe.

I play a comedic character in a murder mystery show. It’s a blast having regulary shows to work on my acting, timing and fine tune my performances. Our company does corporate shows, so we do both in town and out of town shows - much like a touring company.

One of the challenges doing an out of town show is the coordination and availability. Seven people of our cast has to be free that night, and they all need to arrange a drive up north.

This week’s venture takes us to Port Severn, Ontario. It’s about two hours north of Toronto, more rooted in the snow belt than Toronto is. The show is on February 1st, which will be a snowy cold day to go to a “cottage resort.” But it’s a getaway. A little escape holiday. We get to stay over because it’s so far out of town.

I love doing live comedy shows - it’s a gas working with the audience, playing a character and getting great reactions. I’m looking forward to the gig.