Category Archives: comedy

Give me a sign…

For an unknown reason, someone left a construction pylon on the sidewalk in front of the house. On the corner, Bloor Street is under construction and has tons of these exact pylons. It was likely escorted down the street by a drunken university student, heading home from the pub.

They left it on the sidewalk – maybe the joke of it got old. It was there alone for several days until someone put a plastic chair under it. Now, there was a construction pylon sitting on a plastic chair outside out front. They were there together for a few days.

So captions had to be added:

Pylon and chair

It’s making the neighbours smile. 

 

What’s another fee?

As businesses, banks continue to create newer and more innovative fees, always looking for ways to charge you for having your money.

I have a fee for having a business account (Bus Line Fee), a fee for them to send me my statement (Paper Stmt Fee), but then, there’s this one:

Bank

The “Every day a Fee” fee of $17.

Because heck, it’s a day. Why not charge a fee?

Die Another Day

During a dinner party this week, I went to the kitchen to retrieve my glass of wine. There, I found a fly in my drink. Not a small, fruit fly but a full-sized housefly. He was swimming vigorously in the glass of blush wine and trying to get out. I am calling him a him, because he looked like a guy fly. But what do I know – perhaps I’m wrong. Or I’m being sexist. Or just have no clue how to determine the gender of a fly. Anyway, he looked like a he to me, so he’s a he for this story. I’ll call him Monte. A solid fly name, don’t you think?

After watching him struggle, I thought, my friend, you will die another day. If you were my mother, my dog or a bird, I wouldn’t hesitate. Life is a gift. I try not to be species-ist when it comes to life. We should all get a shot at living as long as we can. Because life is awesome.

I grabbed a paper towel and curled the edge into a ramp for him to walk up. A concept that he clearly didn’t understand, because he didn’t grab on. Instead, he swirled around underwine (as opposed to underwater,  a distinction needs to be made, I think). So I went at it again with a dry corner, trying to push him up to the air with the paper towel. Still nothing. He fell off again, spiralling again.

Out loud, I told him he would stay living today. Turning the paper towel to a dry edge, I finally scooped him out of the wine. He landed on his back, wings down. Damn. So I slowly used the final dry edge to flip him over. He stood for a second, then started walking around. After shaking off his wings, he flew away. Today wasn’t his day to go. It felt good to save his life.

I drank the rest of the wine, in case you were wondering.

It had the sweet, sweet taste of salvation.